Hahaha - Marraige jokes

1. At the cocktail party, one woman said to another, "Aren't you wearing your wedding ring on the wrong finger? " The other replied, "Yes I am, I married the wrong man."
2. A man inserted an 'ad' in the classifieds : " Wife Wanted". Next day, he received a hundred letters. They all said the same thing "You can have mine." 
3. A husband visited a marriage counsellor and said, "When we were first married, I would come home from the office, my wife would bring my slippers and our cute little dog would run around barking. Now after ten years it's all different, I come home, the dog brings the slippers and my wife runs around barking." "Why complain?" said the counsellor. "You're still getting the same service!"
4. A little boy asked his father, "Daddy, how much does it cost to get married?" The father thought for a while and replied, "I don't know, son, I'm still paying for it."
5. One woman told another : "My neighbour is always speaking ill of her husband, but look at me, my husband is foolish, lazy and a coward; but have I ever said anything bad about him?"
6. A man was telling his friends, "When my wife is infuriated, she starts shoutingat me, my children and even at our dogs and nobody dares answer her." One of his friends asked. "And when you are angry, what do you do?" The man replied, "I also shout angrily at the windows and doors of the house and none of them dare to answer back."
7. I haven't spoken to my wife for 18 months -- I don't like to interrupt her.
8. Husband: Do you know that on an average women read between 10000 to 35000 words a day?
   Wife: Yes, that is because they have to repeat everything often to men.
9. Mom comes to visit her son Kumar for dinner...who lives with a girl roommate Sunita... During the course of the meal, his mother couldn't help but notice how pretty Kumar's roommate was. She had long been suspicious of a relationship between the two, and this had only made her more curious. Over the course of the evening, while watching the two interact, she started to wonder if there was more between Kumar and his roommate than met the eye..... Reading his mom' s thoughts, Kumar volunteered," I know what you must be thinking, but I assure you, Sunita and I are just roommates." About a week later, Sunita came to Kumar saying, "Ever since your mother came to dinner, I' ve been unable to find the silver chutney (Spicy Paste) jar. You don't suppose she took it, do you? ""Well, I doubt it, but I 'll email her, just to be sure " So he sat down and wrote: Dear Mother, I 'm not saying that you did take the chutney jar from my house, I'm not saying that you did not take the chutney jar. But the fact remains that it has been missing ever since you were here for dinner. Love, Kumar. Several days later, Kumar received an email from his Mother which read: Dear Son, I 'm not saying that you do sleep with Sunita, and I'm not saying that you do not sleep with Sunita. But the fact remains that if she were sleeping in her OWN bed, she would have found the chutney jar by now. Love, Mum.
10. Man1: How do you please your wife?
    Man2: When you are wrong, admit it. When you are right, shut up.
11. Wife: I have a happy news for you. Soon we will be three of us in the house instead of two.
    Husband: Wow!
    Wife: Yes, my mom is coming to stay with us.
12. Man1: When ever I feel stressed or tensed in office, I just look at my wife's photo and all problems disappear.
    Man2: Wow!
    Man1: The thing is, I look at her photo and think
    "No other problem can be greater than this".
13. A wife gave her husband a wooden box and asked him to open it after she dies. After thirty years, she died and her husband opened the wooden box. There were three pens and twenty thousand dollars along with a note. The husband read the note:
    "Dear, I am sorry. Every time I cheated on you, I bought a pen and kept it inside this wooden box"
    The husband was moved and thought, "Not as bad as me. Just three times in these thirty years".
    Then he read the postscript on the note: "And every time I got a dozen pens, I sold them and kept the money in the box".
14. Wife: Didn't you marry me just because my father left me a fortune?
    Husband: Absolutely not dear. I would have married you regardless of who left you a fortune.
15. Husband: You never tell good words about my relatives but keep praising your relatives.
    Wife: ok, I agree that your in-laws are better than my in-laws.
16. A couple were sitting in the lawyers office working on their will. The lawyer tells them that they should discuss end of life issues how they want to be treated. The man turns to his wife and says, “Please promise me that if I am ever dependent only on machines and bottled fluids to keep me alive, you will take action and put an end to it right away.” So when they got home, his obedient wife went straight to the TV and unplugs it, then takes his beer and pours it down the drain.
17. A couple got into a big fight and decided to take a drive to cool off a bit. They drove several miles, not saying a word. As they passed by a zoo, the husband couldn’t resist and sarcastically asked, “Are those animals any relatives of yours?”"Yes,” his wife replied. “I married into the family!”
18. An old man suspected that his wife was hard of hearing. So he went 20 feet behind her and asked, “Can you hear me, dear?” There was no reply. He went 10 feet behind her and asked again, “Can you hear me, honey?” Again there was no reply. The old man went right behind her ear and asked, “Can you hear me now?” “Yes, for the fourth time,” she answered.
19. I was speeding down the highway with my wife in the passenger seat, when a cop pulled me over. The cop came to my window and said, “You were speeding sir!” “No it can’t be, I was way under the speed limit!” I said. “Sir, you were doing 70 in a 50 mile per hour zone,” the cop answered. “I was not speeding!” I protested. At this point, my wife leaned over. “Don’t bother, he always gets this stubborn when he’s been drinking!”
20. Husband said to his wife One day "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time, The wife responded ," Allow me to explain ,God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me ; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"usband said to his wife One day "I don't know how you can be so stupid & so beautiful all at the same time ,"
    The wife responded ," Allow me to explain ,God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me ; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !"
21. My wife asked me “What’s on the TV?” – I said, “Dust!”

Which one do you like the most? :))